batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
