what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
