tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
