you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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