I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
