We won't sleep together?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
