That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
