I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
