I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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