You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Vodka?
Forever.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
