you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
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I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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