I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
