The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
