Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Actions speak louder than pants.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
