My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
