Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
