Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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