She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
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He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
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I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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