I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
