Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
