yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
