Banned from zoo.
Again?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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