is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
well you can't waste a boner
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I want her autograph on my taint
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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