she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
my liver is dry heaving
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
