just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I am naked and annoyed.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
