Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
