my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
