They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
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I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
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He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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