Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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