It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
