so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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