tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
