SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
