Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
