Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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