That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
