Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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