Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
