I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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