I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
