this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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