Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
