You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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