I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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