yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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