on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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