I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
