dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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