So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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