so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
