absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
