I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
