My friends, they love my intelligence
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
