Is it because I queefed?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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