Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
