I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
