i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
