she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i just had sex bonerless
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
