just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Your penis caused this!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
