o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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