Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
