So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
