Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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