6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
