I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize