Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
