Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
