I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
