its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
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