she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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