this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
