rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize