He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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