I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
smell my finger.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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