OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
