I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
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I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
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I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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