I got chris browned last night
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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