took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
