i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
