I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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