It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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