Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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