btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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