the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
