conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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