it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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